Thesis

As a high school English teacher I am always trying to get my students to dig deeper into ideas, and when it comes to writing I expect the same sort of depth in thesis statements. So it makes sense for me that this is the place God has asked me to start. Who am I?  Why have I created this blog? What will it be about? How did I get to this point?

The short and sweet of the first question is I am a child of God, wife, mother of two (almost three), daughter, sister, friend, teacher, writer, semi-recovering perfectionist. These are some of the labels I can claim at least. Is there more depth to me? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. In the end, though, I pray that I can glorify my Lord in all that I do, which is the start to the answers for the second and third questions. I have created this blog as an act of obedience to God; as such I will share my testimony, my thoughts, my life. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not the easily obedient Christian. I should be; I know. I just have a good deal of growing up to do with God. Maybe we can all grow together along the way through this process?

Since I struggle with quickly following the Lord, it won't be surprising that process of getting to this screen on this day has been a long one. Quite honestly, when I heard God speak to my heart about using my gifts to share His love, I was really enthusiastic...for about an hour. Then I started thinking, rationalizing, fearing. Putting myself and my family "out there" was something I truly worried about. What if I offended people? What if I didn't know what to say? What if I wasn't strong enough in scripture? What if I didn't have time to follow through? And most importantly what if I shared something my family would later resent me for?

Fear. It's a powerful thing, yet when God calls us to something we're supposed to have faith, not fear, right? About a year and a half ago I faced this fear for weeks on end. Every time I went to a church service at my home church or in visiting others, I heard the same message connected to sharing our gifts to the glory of God. It was everywhere for me; I even heard it on television sermons, on the radio, or in things I read. I couldn't escape it. Finally, I decided--quite selfishly--that I would share when I had the time. The end. And ignorant. Who was I kidding? I couldn't run from God.

The messages died off in frequency, but the calling still pulled on my heart. I dabbled in sharing from time to time with Facebook posts because, well, that was easy. It wasn't what God wanted, but it was rewarding enough at the time for me, so I was content to wait, not committing to God's plan until "later when..." It had to be a part of my own plan. Then about a month ago our pastor asked my husband and I to share part of our testimony in front of the entire church as part of his message centered on celebrating through our challenges. I was hit with absolute terror--a silly sort of terror that made me laugh at the pastor as he suggested the idea. I couldn't say the right thing or remember the right verses; I wasn't good enough to bring glory to God on a stage! But my husband assured me that I could do it and that we needed to because "we might help someone." I was sold; helping people has always been a point of motivation for me. We shared...at both services...and I was the technological idiot both times, making one mistake or the other with the headset. But it didn't matter. I didn't need to be perfect for God to do His work; our story, even just the small piece we shared about finding God and then later facing the hospitalization of our six-month-old son, touched people. They came to us, messaged us, thanked us, shared their own stories, and we both knew that facing our fears had been a blessing.

I knew God wanted more of me; that calling to share never left my heart. I didn't follow through, though. Then, two weeks later we visited a church nearer to our home, and I heard the message again. "Fan the flame of your gift from God." After our experience with sharing our testimony, I started listening to God a little more this time, and when discussing it with my husband he agreed that I needed to start blogging. I almost didn't believe what I was hearing because it wasn't two years earlier that he was adamantly against the idea. I knew God had been working on his heart too. So I made a plan to start sharing our story when "the time was right."

Are you catching onto a pattern in my life, yet? I'm all about MY timing. I don't know how many times I've learned the lesson that my timing doesn't matter in God's plan, but I still stubbornly think I can control these sorts of things. Hilarious, right? But I digress...

On the first of August that plan changed for me when I awoke to an extremely clear revelation. It was as if God had given me an exact picture of what He wanted me to do. Despite my normal morning grogginess, in an instant I knew the title, description, layout, and even the ideas for this first post. Again, I was excited. It didn't take five minutes for the nerves to take over, though. But I knew I had to get over it, and after a discussion with my best friend later that morning, I had decided that I would start "soon." Relativity. I still only had one foot in the water.

Five days later I was having a rough day, but by the end of it I felt strongly that God wanted me to share that experience. I posted a small testimony on Facebook (my comfort zone) about singing praises to our Lord even in our trials. From the comments I got I was convinced I needed to do more...after things settled down from the start of school in a few weeks. But only four days passed when yesterday God slapped me in the face with reality; a former high school classmate posted on Facebook about how my testimony had lifted her spirits and given her peace; a close friend of mine called me to say she had faced a trial the very next day and immediately went back to read my post. I had an ugly cry for a good hour, but God was extremely clear. NOW was the time!

Getting here has been a journey, and God has broken down many walls in my heart to get through to me, but I know He has a plan. All I have to do is step out in faith and follow him. So...finally...here I am putting things "out there" and trusting in God to do the rest. If I can touch even one life by sharing my story, it will be worth it. Fears aside. Here I go!

Welcome to the beginning! As a child of God, I pray that I may glorify Him and not seek my own desires or be hindered by my own fears. In creating this blog I hope to share God's love and the stories about how He has changed my life, about how He blesses my family, and about how the challenges we face have and will help us to grow into the people He wants us to be. Thank you for joining me on this journey! I can't promise I have all the answers. I can't promise I will never offend anyone. I can't even promise to be an expert. What I can promise, though, is to be open and honest about my life experiences. May God bless this experience, and may He show us His love along the way.